remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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