Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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