Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
