You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
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Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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