dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
