I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
