i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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