what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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