never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
