Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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