You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
