I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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