After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
