PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
