This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We left the knife in your bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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