I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
