My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
