Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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