I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
