you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come on in and take your pants off
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