so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
