Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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