there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
