I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
