I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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