i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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