And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
