after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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