i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
