Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
