I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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