fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This baby is an asshole
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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