I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize