You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's always time for handjobs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
