Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
