I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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