I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
