His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
