He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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