you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
