She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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