Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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