Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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