She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
