are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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