Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
