My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
