Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I touched a dick in church today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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