That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
