the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
