Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
