She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
