The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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