Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
