i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
