I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
