3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
