I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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