Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
