Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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