wat bout pragnant strippers??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
