yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
