i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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