I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
