somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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