i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
