K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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