The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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