He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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