Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
