false alarm. still invincible.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
