Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
