I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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