If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
