I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
MIDGETS
????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
