So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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