hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
